top ten reasons to swim overseas rather than fly

10. The other 423 people on the plane
9. Blood clots
8. That flight attendant that gives you the stink eye for not paying "close" attention to the safety demonstration. Stop glaring at me. I am busy looking at duty-free liquor deals.
7. Speaking of liquor, when did airplane bottles go from "cute" to just plain tiny? Come on, now people, how am I supposed to pass out during the sequel to "Sweet Home Alabama" with only 1.5 oz?
6. Regarding in-flight movies, see #7.
5. No one flies for the airline food, so I'll let this one go.
4. Kids. Yep, they're cute. Just ask that lady who puts them in flowerpots and takes their photos. They are not cute screaming bloody murder and kicking the shit out of my seatback. On the flight over, I heard the woman behind me say by way of apology to the man next to her "It just kills his ears when we fly." Hmm. Mother of the year are we? Go to the pediatrician, get drops, or drive to fucking Disneyland instead of taking a 19 hour plane ride.
3. Seating arrangement. It is not just luck that I get to sit by fat people (yep, fatties, now is the cue to start crying and complaining. Or you could be proactive and try to work out enough to fit more than 30% of your huge ass in your own seat) So I am perched on one lovely buttock, sandwiched in tightly, and of course, one of you is a douchebag reading Conan The Barbarian. And you missed the signal when I out on my eye mask and put in my ear plugs that I have no interest in you whatsoever. So shut up and read your douche-y book.
2. 19 hours is a long time to do anything...eat chocolate mud cake, drink whiskey, have mind-blowing sex, watch Twin Peaks...19 hours is too long.
1. Flight Socks